Voldemort Becomes a Cross Dresser
by Blaire L. Peterson
Summary: Voldemort gets mocked because he is bald so he buys a lady wig and gets a little carried away.


Voldemort becomes a Cross Dresser

The day was August 2nd, 1997. Voldemort and his Deatheaters had failed to capture Potter several times recently and because of this Voldy was super duper bummed. There was so much pressure on him; 16 years ago everyone was like: O' Dark One, you're really powerful and scary. Then he got beaten by a baby. Now that he was back he kept trying to kill that baby, but it just wasn't working. And as if this wasn't enough, when he went out to see the new Austin Powers movie with Wormtail, a child in the theatre had mocked his baldness. Kids these days! First they defeat him and now they mocked his baldness! Voldy was the most powerful wizard that had ever lived so surely he shouldn't be defeated and mocked by mere children. He had always known that Potter must be destroyed, but he realized now that he must not only conquer Potter, death, and the Wizarding World, but also his baldness.

Voldemort tried a hair thickening charm, but as he didn't even have the smallest patch of peach fuzz upon his shiny head to thicken, it was unsuccessful. Voldy tried every spell he could think of and it seemed that there simply was no spell that could help him. Voldy reluctantly tried Muggle products for re-growing hair, but, as he was "magically bald," they did not work. As a last resort, he went to a wig shop and began looking for a suitable wig. Voldy was planning to buy a man wig, but as usual, things did not go according to Voldy's plan. He saw a beautiful curly golden-blonde wig that came down to its mannequins waist and for some strange reason, he was simply compelled by it. He absolutely needed that wig and so he took it home to his evil lair/ Malfoy Manor.

Later that evening, when all of the other inhabitants of the manor had gone to bed, Voldy took the wig out of the box and tried it on. He didn't really look like a normal human, so when he put the wig on he looked like a woman. He thought that the wig looked so nice that he ought to get something to wear with it.

The next day he went out and bought a pink cocktail dress to go with the wig and this is where it really took off. He realized that he didn't have any shoes that would be appropriate with the dress so he got some pink high-heeled pumps to go with it. Then, on his way out of the mall he spotted the make-up department and the jewelry store and he decided to take a peek. He ended up getting boat loads of make-up and jewelry. But the disturbing part was yet to come, Voldy walked by the lingerie department and decide to take a peek in that store as well….

That afternoon Voldy watched an American show called Oprah and read a magazine called Cosmo. And later, when he thought everyone was sleeping he tried on all of his new fancy clothes, make-up, and jewelry with his pretty wig. He looked in the mirror and was happy for like two seconds when Wormtail opened the door. Wormtail's eyes were wide with astonishment.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," said Voldy loudly, luckily not waking the whole house. "GET OUT, WORMTAIL AND SPEAK OF THIS TO NO ONE!"

Wormtail, though thoroughly confuzzled, spoke of it to no one for a while. Somehow though, when she came across him in a pub and suspected that he had a juicy secret, Rita Skeeter managed to get it out of him. She followed Voldemort into a store and took pictures of him trying on a purple cardigan with his wig and a floral patterned skirt. She then wrote an article about his new interest and made him the laughing stalk of the whole Wizarding World.

Voldy, who had once caused so much fear, was now caused loads of laughter. People were still afraid of him enough to not want to call him by his name so the called Voldy she-who –must-not-be named and he heard a rumor that, behind his back, his Deatheaters had been calling him the Dark Lady.

Voldy was super embarrassed. He eventually decided to take a time turner and go back in time. He went to the day were he went to the movies with Wormtail and told him that he wanted to see Men in Black instead.

The End


End file.
